John Edwards Finding Even More Ways to Make His Wife Miserable
Poor Elizabeth Edwards. As if the woman hasn't already had to deal with enough over the last couple of years. Now her husband is moving his trashy mistress and their lovechild into the family's neighborhood, and Elizabeth's understandably pissed. The National Enquirer reports in their new issue that Edwards, who just last week decided to acknowledge that he is indeed the man who knocked up Rielle Hunter, is helping the withered party girl and their baby move to Wilmington, North Carolina so that he can help raise the child and be an active part of her life. Friends of Elizabeth Edwards told The Enquirer that she flipped out when she found out about Hunter's move to their neighborhood. "She's always figured the child may be John's, but the positive DNA result really floored her. And as if that wasn't bad enough, John told Elizabeth he needed to be in his daughter's life - and that Rielle was moving to North Carolina. "He told Elizabeth he was tired of all the lies, and that's why he was ready to publicly admit Frances is his baby. "That's when Elizabeth exploded! In a fit of rage, she grabbed a suitcase and started packing her things . . ." Seriously, what more could John Edwards possibly do to make his wife's life any more miserable? Maybe instead of using the toilet he can just start defecating all over the family home whenever the urge strikes him? MORE >>
Your Bernie Madoff Penis Size Update
Yes, we know Bernie "Winky Dink" Madoff had a small penis, thanks to author/ lovah Sheryl Weinstein—but do we know enough about his penis' circumference and performance? Now we do. Respected finance-oriented news service Bloomberg helpfully provides these updates: "Bernie had a very small penis," she wrote. "Not only was it on the short side, it was small in circumference. That he was now pointing it out to me was telling. It clearly caused him great angst. I wanted to be careful how I responded. Men and their penises have a strange and unique relationship." Still, she said: "I liked this man and didn't want to emasculate him. His tiny penis hadn't prevented me from climaxing." "On the bright side," she concluded, because of its size, "oral sex would be a breeze." Use this information wisely, investment community. MORE >>
What Comes Next for Annie Leibovitz?
As information continues to drip out about Annie Leibovitz's disastrous financial situation, her own personal D-Day is fast approaching. What happens on September 8, when her $24 million pawnshop loan comes due? The Leibovitz meltdown has reached the point where even the British edition of Vogue, which is owned by her own employer Condé Nast, felt compelled to weigh in with a web item today, which strikes us as exceedingly back-stabby. Barring the intervention of an angel, it seems highly likely that Leibovitz will file for bankruptcy before the Art Capital loan must be repaid next month. Here's the current state of play: Leibovitz owes Art Capital $24 million. If she doesn't pay it back by September 8, she will be in default on the loan. But she may already be in default on the loan—according to a lawsuit Art Capital filed against Getty Images in April, Art Capital was at one point demanding a $1 million loan payment. It's unclear whether she made that payment or not, but if she didn't, that failure may have triggered a default. And in its suit against Leibovitz, Art Capital accuses her of failing to pay "hundreds of thousands of dollars" in fees associated with the loan—another failure that may have triggered default. What happens if Leibovitz defaults? Well, for one thing, the 10% commission Art Capital gets from the sale of her homes and artwork under the terms of the loan gets a boost up to 25%, according to Bloomberg. Art Capital claims a "first priority security interest" in "every photographic image ever taken by Ms. Leibovitz" as well as he homes in Greenwich Village and Rhinebeck, N.Y. A "first priority security interest" means Art Capital gets in line ahead of other creditors if there is a bankruptcy. In order to know for sure what a default means, we'd have to see the loan agreement. But it's likely that, if Leibovitz hasn't made good by September 8, Art Capital would be entitled to take steps to sell off the assets to recoup its debt. Except Art Capital appears to be already entitled to do that: Its deal with Leibovitz gives it the right to sell her homes and artwork before September 8: Leibovitz's failure to cooperate in those sales is why Art Capital sued her in the first place. So in terms of her relationship with Art Capital, September 8 doesn't change much: She may already be in default anyway, and Art Capital already has the right to sell everything off. What will probably change is that Leibovitz will file for bankruptcy—or be forced by one of her other creditors to do so—on or before September 8. According to Bloomberg, that is her best shot: It will put decisions on how to dispose of her assets in the hands of a judge, and it would halt any other creditor lawsuits against her and give her a chance to come to terms with her situation. Art Capital would still likely be able to force the sale and recoup some or all of its debt, but a judge might be convinced to reduce the amount, modify the interest... MORE >>
Gird Yourselves For Top Chef Las Vegas
Hi. My name is Joshua David Stein and I can't believe Padma Lakshmi can't afford clothes. Top Chef Las Vegas premieres Wednesday night on Bravo. I'm quivering with excitement. Let's peek over the trench together. Three things weigh heavily on my mind as August 19th draws closer. First of all, the familiar yet nearly forgotten bristle of joy and discomfort that accompanies hostess Padma Lakshmi's every appearance. Some things are simply too beautiful to behold. Thus Moses beholds the burning bush but not Yahweh and thus, from the same principle but less manifest, do we shiver when Lakshmi smiles or the camera tilts slowly down from her eyes to her torso, as if following an invisible bead of sweat. (Happily the potency of her beauty is somewhat dissipated by the lens of the camera and screen of the television.) Between last season and this, Lakshmi has signed to a NBC food-related sitcom called Single Serving, a show whose all but assured crappiness is all the more welcome since it may, in some small way, humanize Ms. Lakshmi. A goddess with a laugh track somehow seems a little more approachable. Secondly, I've missed the small bitter ids of the Top Chef contestants, crouched in the corner of their mental kitchen like dibbuks, jealous, zealous, too rich in tactic and short on strategy, bent not on achievement but on sabotage. That shit is mad fun to watch. Top Chef Masters simply has too much bonhomie and competency. Messrs. Bayless, Keller, DuFresne and Ms. Lo are too good-natured, talented, and mature for real drama. Let's face it: Top Chef Masters was a bit of a snooze; it's good for the world but bad for Bravo (the same can be applied to all Bravo television programming.) On August 19th, a raft of try-hardy famewhores will beam into our living rooms, each one eager to establish him or herself, to appease the wrathful writhing ambitious worm inside them. They'll be put under intense stress in situations designed to confound and to sift out from their unprocessed ore, all that makes them human, leaving only the nasty golden nuggets, sandwiched between Glad Family Product advertisements and light molasses and lovely honey rich shots Padma Lakshmi. Unlike other lesser reality television shows, the cheftestants on Top Chef are nominally there to cook and it is through this filter that we see their Machiavellian jockeying. Unlike the newly neutered Project Runway, Bravo is under no obligation to soften the edges and make the show feel-goody. It's all cynical manipulation here, chef-against-chef, producer-against-viewer, chef-against-viewer. Like a john and a painted lady, we all dance the ritualized tango of coyness and submission, enacting roles written long before August 19th, before even the birth of Bravo and I can't wait. Lastly, this is the the sixth season of Top Chef. Like the sixth season of the Real World (who can forget Genesis, Elka and Syrus!?) by this point the reality television industrial casting machine should have—in tandem,... MORE >>
Oh Yes, There Will Be Weed
When it comes to plot details, producers of Mad Men are as tight lipped as an Olsen twin at an all-you-can-eat buffet. So, what happens in episode two three? One phrase: "I'm Peggy Olson and I want to smoke marijuana." Last night, due to a glitch with iTunes, the second third episode of the show was briefly available for download for everyone who signed up for a season pass. One of our loyal readers snagged it and passed this along. Peggy actually utters that line. Awesome. Our tipster sent over a brief (if not vague) recap: "The episode features some modernist poetry, fabulous lindy hop, Roger in blackface, a new substance of choice in the offices of Sterling Cooper, and Joan rocking out in French while on the accordion. There is also a strange subplot between Sally and her grandpa." We get so excited when two of our favorite things come together. We're getting the gravity bong out of storage for this one. Update: AMC issued a statement: "The third episode of Mad Men's new season was made available prematurely to some iTunes Season Pass holders for a short time late last night. We urge those who received this episode in error to please refrain from spoiling plot lines out of respect to other 'Mad Men' fans who are looking forward to watching the story unfold." Sorry. Too late! Looks like the cat's out of the (dime) bag. MORE >>
Barney Frank Demonstrates Precisely How to Handle Townhall Wingnuts
Last night Barney Frank held a health care town hall meeting in Massachusetts. Near the end, a woman stepped to the podium and asked, "Why do you continue to support a Nazi policy?" Frank then eviscerated her completely. It looks as though all of those shouting matches with Bill O'Reilly have taught Barney Frank a thing or two, because I don't think he could have handled this more perfectly. He just sort of swatted the woman, who was holding a poster with a picture of Obama altered to look like Hitler, away like a troublesome fly, albeit in that slightly bitchy and condescending manner that is oh so very Barney Frank. It's beautiful. MORE >>
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