Behold, the Vortex of Douchebaggery Captured in A Single Photograph
Jeremy Piven, Dane Cook and Kid Rock all went out in Vegas together and took a picture to document the fun times, which they then posted to Twitter. Prepare to moisten when you click through! Dane Cook first posted the link to this photo, which was then re-tweeted by Jeremy Piven: Yes, the boys were "nailing down 2am Vegas style" and the conversation leading up to the moment captured in the photograph probably went something like this: Piven: Dudes! You guys look fucking fresh rocking the Fedoras on your domes. I should've brought mine! Cook: That's alright bro, you look pretty damn fresh without one. Must be the sushi. Rock: (Snickers) Yeah brah! Piven: Hey fuck both of you assholes! NO SUSHI JOKES TONIGHT! Okay?! Rock: Somebody sure is sensitive! Cook: Dude, we promise not to toss out any more sushi jokes if you just text Paris and get her over here so we can all run a train on her tonight. Rock: Dude, I fucking love running trains! One time, me and the dude from Creed... Cook: Yeah, yeah we know. Piven: I told you guys, she got back together with her boyfriend Doug. Rock: So! Screw that guy. He can stand in the corner and watch. Cook: What about Bai Ling? Rock: Ah, yeeeeaaaaahhhh! Piven: No, I've got a better idea — let's post a pic on Twitter and we'll reel in some local Twitter whores with it. Cook: You're a fucking genius Piv. Seriously — You. Are. A. Fucking. Genius. Piven: Alright, everybody get in close and strike your best Mt. Douchemore pose. Ready, 1...2...3 And the rest, as they say, is history. MORE >>
The Gay Housewives Show Will Have More Hair-Pulling, Testicles
We got a tip that the people behind Real Housewives of Atlanta, are casting a gay version of the franchise—in New York!. And watch your back, Housewives, the straight boys are coming for you too. Leave it to the gays to take a tired concept, put a belt on it, give it a new pair of shoes, and call it fiiiiiiierce. If this is for Bravo one wonders why Andy Cohen can't just stock it with his high-powered Gay-list frenemies, but Alex Geana got ahold of an email sent out by Beth Bigler from True Entertainment (the production company that found NeNe and her gang of fools): I'm looking for the hottest young, fabulous gay men NYC has to offer for an upcoming docu-series. These boys need to be living the good life, keeping up with all the hottest shopping, restaurants, and clubs, and preferably have lots of drama keeping them busy at all hours of the day…and night. I'd love for them to be in a relationship, and we're looking for diversity in those relationships – especially younger/older dynamics. Do any of your friends fit this bill? We all know SOMEONE who needs to have their own TV show, right? Oh god, Chelsea is going to be bloodbath! And that's just the casting process. Beth said that she just sent the query out to some of her queers, hoping to find some characters, but that there is nothing firm yet and there is "no network attached or anything." What is really going to happen is a Fox Reality show Househusbands of Hollywood (it starts on August 15, but you can already watch the first episode on Hulu). The funny thing is they are all really stay-at-home dads unlike the women on Bravo's franchise which all either have jobs or are hawking some sort of product. Well, one doesn't have a kid, but he doesn't have a job either, so, same thing. Let's meet them: Danny Barclay is a wanna be actor whose wife is a fancy lawyer. Darryl M. Bell used to be on A Different World (he was Dwayne Wayne's friend) and now he's married to Cosby kid Tempestt Bledsoe. Grant Reynolds' wife Jillian is the host of Good Day L.A. and American Idol Extra. Billy Ashley used to play for the Dodgers. Now he helps his wife with her skin care line. Sure he never gets any shit for that. Charlie Mattera used to be a bank robber, now he raises a son named Ryan, who is named after Charlie's best friend Ryan O'Neal, who gives Charlie parenting advice. We're sure that's going to turn out really well. Because they're manly men, they hang out in the garage and drink beer, and don't go shopping and for facials and pull off each other's wigs in the Target parking lot. God, straight men are boring. MORE >>
We're Still Looking for Lady Gaga's Penis
While we're pretty sure that Lady Gaga isn't a hermaphrodite, we're still not entirely convinced. Let's go digging through her cover shoot for the new issue of Out looking for the nubbin, shall we? Ugh, hidden by fabric. All taped up. Wow, Christina Aguillera looks great. Oh, wait... OMG, is that...a strategically placed skeleton hand! There it is! No, that's just her boot heel. Thwarted again. Damn you, Gaga! Go see the rest of the pics at Outand let us know if you spot anything we missed. MORE >>
It's Time to Come Out of the Cartoon Closet
Family Guycreator Seth MacFarlane finally acknowledged Stewie Griffin is gay. That's kind of like saying a certain grey-haired CNN anchor has a thing for boys. Since MacFarlane is outing toons, these other targets had better close their Manhunt accounts. Fred: If you wear an orange manscarf all the time and spend countless nights in the back of a van with a hottie like Daphne and haven't hit that, then you are a giant fag—just like Fred. Race Bannon: He is Johnny Quest's the long-suffering babysitter bodyguard and the constant companion of his father, Dr. Quest. He also looks a lot like a certain grey-haired CNN anchor. He-Man: This muscle Mary wears a harness and gets his power when he holds his sword erect. He might as well be bent over wearing chaps in an alley in Chelsea. Snagglepuss: He's lisping and pink. Do you need it spelled out for you? When he says, "Exit, stage right," he's probably going to a rest stop on the New Jersey turnpike. Rudolph: There's a reason why none of the other reindeer want to play his games, namely doctor. Good thing he married a big ol' queen. But that queen is a doctor, well, dentist. His Jewish mother is so proud. Peppermint Patty: Bad hair. No makeup. Birkenstocks. Walking cliche. Chip and Dale: Two guys who live together and love nuts. Zan: Not only does the wondertwin wear purple spandex, but he also comes with his own fag hag. Every Thundercat: Seriously, look at them. It's like someone made an Andrew Lloyd Weber musical even gayer. They've even recruited! MORE >>
Martha Stewart's Twitter Is a Catalog of Death and Mayhem
Martha Stewart is a walking vortex of chaos and destruction, and we know this because we read her Twitter. The latest "accident:" A car simply burst into flames, right there outside her gates. The mommy mogul tried to explain away the suspicious incident by blaming a sign, which snuck up on the driver, in broad daylight: If we had $5 for every time a minor collision with a flimsy stationary object had caused one of our vehicles to become engulfed in flames, we still couldn't buy anything at Starbucks. You know, this isn't the first time freak infernos have stalked Stewart. Remember what happened to her precious puppy, Genghis Khan? Then there was that bizarre truck accident on Stewart's estate not two months ago. A large delivery vehicle was sucked in by Stewart's deadly landscaping and nearly wrecked: God forbid Stewart ever has firestarting deer-killer Dick Cheney over for dinner; based on the pair's collective records, the entire state would need to be preemptively evacuated. MORE >>
FWD: RE: FW: FWD: WHAT IS SARAH PALIN HIDING??!!!!!!
Barack Obama is fed up with the crazy stuff people are saying about health care on the internet, so he's decided to unleash the power of viral e-mail and put everything straight with a highly forwardable fact-check. It's written by David Axelrod, and here's how it starts: Dear Friend, This is probably one of the longest emails I've ever sent, but it could be the most important. Oh boy. First off: If you actually describe something as viral, that means it's not viral. Viral is a self-regenerating, word-of-mouth, prairie fire. When the most powerful institution on the planet announces that it is propagating a communication, it's called a press release. The fact that people can forward it doesn't mean it will take over the internet. Even stodgy corporations know this: When the smart ones launch viral campaigns, they don't tell anyone where it's coming from until it gets a foothold. Second: You're not going to grab the attention of a random independent citizen by telling them off the bat that this e-mail is really long. And you're certainly not going to induce them to immediately forward it to friends and family with gripping stuff like this: "A recent national survey estimated that 12.6 million non-elderly adults –- 36 percent of those who tried to purchase health insurance directly from an insurance company in the individual insurance market –- were in fact discriminated against because of a pre-existing condition in the previous three years or dropped from coverage when they became seriously ill." There's a reason White House white papers are rarely forwarded around in endless e-mail chains. Also, it's all true. Which completely defeats the purpose. Here's what a pro-reform viral e-mail should look like: Fwd: THE TRUTH ABOUT SARAH PALIN ****READ THIS YOUR LIFE WILL DEPEND ON IT**** WHY??? Hasn't SARAH PALIN facebooked about her own private DEATH PANEL? FACT #1: On June 19, 1983, Sarah Palin's GRANDMOTHER Martha Palin died allegedly of cancer in Winchester, Idaho. Sarah Palin claims she was in Alaska on that day but STATE RECORDS show that she flew to nearby Montana on the day before. This is on PAGE 29 (two-thirds of the way down) of the Sarah Palin book called "Sarah". Where is Martha Palin's DEATH CERTIFICATE and why did Sarah "Barracuda" pull the plug on her OWN grandmother? Because she didn't have INSURANCE! FACT #2: Charles Grassley is GAY. Did you know that? Just saying. FACT #3: The Aetna Insurance Corporation (TAX ID# 7398-927) is NOT AN AMERICAN COMPANY. They are registered in Austria at Einsiedlerplatz 4, 1050 Vienna and AETNA is an acronym for Austrian Enterprise for Total Negation of America. Adolf Hitler was born in Austria (Wikiepedia). AETNA has spent $34.957 million (US) to defeat BARACK OBAMA's health care reform (Federal Election Commission Report 635-09, page 342) and shipped 43,387 stolen AMERICAN kidneys to Austria in fiscal year 2007 for transplant to Austrians (AETNA 2008 Annual Report—look in index for... MORE >>
Psychos Are the Most Interesting Things on Twitter
It's now scientifically proven: 40 percent of Twitter is "pointless babble," and the rest is mainly replies to pointless babble, and spam. But there are a few very interesting tweeters; they scare the hell out of celebrities like William Shatner. Take Houston, Texas' anonymous "Bloggess;" the Houston Chronicle columnist just can't understand why Shatner blocked her account, following posts like these: "Dear @ WilliamShatner: I need you to come to my house to save my marriage. No sex involved." "Unless you *want* to have sex. Which is totally fine." "But not with me though because I'm married. Please bring your own hooker." "Oh my God, what am I saying? I am the worst hostess ever. I will totally provide the hooker if you just come to dinner." "I need to know your preferences though or else I'll just default to hot Asian cheerleader." "Fuck. Dear @WilliamShatner. Please ignore my last several tweets. I'm a little drunk. And dangerously close to paying too much for travel." "Please come to my house and save me from myself." "Please give me a sign." "Victor: GET OFF TWITTER. I'VE BEEN STABBED." (Not addressed directly to Shatner) Actually, we don't get it either: We'd rather read about hookers, Robert Scoble murdering rabbits and some crazy lady's husband getting stabbed than about 95% of what's on Twitter already. Then again, we don't have a wholesome Christmas song to pimp, and no one's going to write a tabloid story about us if we ignore a fan who writes "save me from myself" and then does something stupid. (PIc via Bloggess) MORE >>
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