There Is No Stopping Al Qaeda's Booty Bombs
Here is the new thing for you to worry about, in terms of your own unavoidable violent death: Al Qaeda is now smuggling bombs inside their rectums. There is no hope of detection until it blows. Here, let CBS just clarify it for you: "Absolutely nothing [can detect these rectum bombs] other than to require people to strip naked at the airport," said Yates. And al Qaeda says it will share its new technique via the Internet very soon. There is nothing that can stop that either. There you have it: there is no stopping it. Just pray that it will be quick. Watch CBS News Videos Online MORE >>
Rape Tunnel Succeeds in Sparking Conversation, But Not Rape
Yesterday we brought you the ridic story of the purported "Rape Tunnel," where Rape Artist "Richard Whitehurst" would rape anyone daring to crawl through. Alas, it was just another art hoax. Our field trip is canceled. It became clear one microsecond after our post went up that this was probably a hoax, since none of the people or places featured in the "interview" appeared to have any Google history, which, in the US of A, means you are a fucking fraud. (Note our rapid post-post disclaimer!). Which, on a personal note, was very disappointing, because just imagine the video we could have made when we traveled to this Rape Tunnel, and sent an armed intern through it. Internet gold. Anyhow, the more interesting(?) question was, "Hey, what was the artistic 'motivation' of the nuts who made up this imaginary thing, eh?" Now Artlurker tells us, via the Miami New Times: When the author of The Rape Tunnel pitched the idea to us we loved it. Of course it's an extremely sensitive subject, but our motivation for publishing the piece was to comment on contemporary art, not rape. We cannot say what the intentions of the author were, but ours were simple: to generate conversation on the state of contemporary art based on the fact that an event like this is no so unrealistic today. Okay, good! Now can someone get to work on building this Rape Tunnel? [Pic: Artlurker] MORE >>
Nudes Running the Streets of Williamsburg
First there was the nude guy at the taco truck. Now there's another nude guy running the Williamsburg streets in broad daylight, for laffs. We thought you should know. See, one is the World's Fastest Nudist and the other one is "The Radical," who I found funnier than I would really care to admit. Technically it'll take one more street-running nudist dude in Williamsburg to make an Official Trend, but why wait? Get running, bored pervs! The Radical - watch more funny videos MORE >>
Gossip Girl: Sold! To the Man in the Purple Tie
As my momma used to say, secrets don't make friends, but they make for great enemies and terrific currency. Last night the Upper East Side was full of loose lips, sinking ships, and the most ghetto Southeby's auction ever. It was really just a lame excuse to get all the characters in the same room so that "Scott" could fess up about his identity with another lie, Serena could diss old enemy Georgina, Chuck and Blair could make up, and Vanessa could wear another heinous outfit out in public. Really, V, it's actually getting a little bit boring talking about your shitty style. Maybe if you stopped shopping at the sales rack at Urban Outfitters you might get a little more clout with your fancy friends. Dorota Sexual Intrigue: Her washing skills help Blair have sloppy sex: +20 Social Schemes: Her "counter intelligence isn't what it used to be": -5 Total: 15 Season to Date: 24 Power Position: Up Georgina Family Secrets: Figures out "Scott" is playing everyone in about three seconds: +2, Finds the real "Scott" in about 2 seconds because, well, this isn't Georgina's first time at the rodeo: +5, Overhears "Scott's" secret: +6 Sexual Intrigue: Gets majorly cock blocked by Blair: -2, Is all up in Dan's grill: -3, Dan disses her hardcore: -3 Fashion Points: Everything about her auction outfit: -3 Social Schemes: Made up Blair's little social club and the restaurateur wanting the painting to make Chuck and Blair feud: +6, It almost works: +1, In the end, Serena foils her brilliant plot: -4 Power Play: Keeps Vanessa from telling Dan the secret about "Scott": +1, Somehow wrangles her way into the auction: +1, Now that she has been spurned by Dan and knows what's up with "Scott" she is going to start some serious shit: +2 Personality Flaw: Really, G, do you want to waste your formidable scheming talents on Dan?: -6 Total: 3 Season to Date: 23 Power Position: Down Dan Family Secrets: Figures out "Scott" is his crazy stalker: +1, Had no clue he's really his brother: -2 Sexual Intrigue: Doesn't want anyone to know he's schtupping Georgina: +2, Tells Georgina he doesn't want to go steady, but still gets roped into hanging out with her: -1, Puts the ice on his "thing" with Georgina when Serena jogs his memory and reminds him that she is a crazy psycho: +4, She is going to go crazy on you like a Heart song: -2 Fashion Points: Shirtless!: +5 Power Play: Warns Vanessa that "Scott" isn't who he seems: +2, Duh, she already knows: -3 Personality Flaw: Still cares about Vanessa, -3 Total: 3 Season to Date: 2 Power Position: Up Blair Family Secrets: Sexual Intrigue: Hasn't gotten laid in 5 days: -1, Gives Chuck the painting so she can get laid: -2 Fashion Points: That yellow ruffley thing: -1, The fierce blue trench coat: +3, The ugly undies underneath: -4, Changes back into the ugly yellow ruffles: -2, Metallic print dress: +4, Strange braid configuration: -3, Again with the ruffles: -1 Social Schemes: Totally fucks with Serena and Carter because she doesn't like him: +4,... MORE >>
Free Roman Polanski! Demand Harvey Weinstein and Woody Allen
It may be weeks before Roman Polanski's extradition request is heard in Swiss courts. Meanwhile, the world is gripped with confusion and outrage, a heady combination in what is shaping up as one of the great kerfuffles of our times. "Film-makers in France, in Europe, in the United States and around the world are dismayed by this decision," says the petition which, according to the Guardian, has now been signed by more than 70 film industry luminaries, including Polanski's fellow directors Michael Mann, Wim Wenders, Pedro Almodóvar, Darren Aronofsky, Terry Gilliam, Julian Schnabel, the Dardenne brothers, Alejandro González Iñárritu, Wong Kar-Wai, Walter Salles and Jonathan Demme. Actors Tilda Swinton, Monica Bellucci and Asia Argento, as well as producer Harvey Weinstein have also put their names on the petition. Yesterday, Weinstein stated he was "calling on every film-maker we can to help fix this terrible situation". Meanwhile, the media is abuzz with speculation as to why after all these years, Polanski was arrested now. Vanity Fair's Michael Wolff opined that the arrest is revenge by prosecutors for the humiliation they endured after last year's documentary Roman Polanski: Wanted and Desired depicted the circus surrounding the original case. The LA Times however, claims that Polanski provoked the arrest by taunting law enforcement with their inaction. They write: Polanski's attorneys helped to provoke his arrest by complaining to an appellate court this summer that Los Angeles County prosecutors had made no real effort to capture the filmmaker in his three decades as a fugitive. The accusation that the Los Angeles County district attorney's office was not serious about extraditing Polanski was a minor point in two lengthy July court filings by the director's attorneys. The piece goes on to describe how, despite the fact that Polanski had visited Switzerland before, the widely publicized nature of his appearances at the Zurich film festival goaded prosecutors to action. And while Polanski's victim Samantha Geimer may be "over it" a significant lynch mob is still roaming the internet demanding justice for what they remind us, was not just some private between adults indiscretion. At Salon, Kate Harding writes a hang 'em high piece succinctly entitled "Reminder: Roman Polanski Raped a Child." And over at moviecitynews, David Poland rebuts seemingly the rest of Hollywood with a nice list of retorts to the "But he's a great director who's been through so much" arguments. Turning back the clock, awards blogger Tom O'Neil wonders whether Polanski even deserved his best director Oscar for The Pianist, pointing out that the director of that year's Best Picture Chicago, was strangely denied the traditional accompanying statue and ponders whether the award might have been Hollywood's show of support to the exiled molester. MORE >>
Italian PM: "Oh, Haha, Obama and Michelle are Black."
Did you know that our President and his wife are black? Well, they are, and Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi finds that endless humorous. Berlusconi, who has an endless paper trail about his alleged affairs with hookers, didn't have the best meeting with Barack and Michelle at the G20 last week week. Rather than hugging him, like she did many other leaders and his outstretched arms invited, the American First Lady gave him a cordial handshake. Perhaps because, after last year's election, Berlusconi cracked about Obama's race, "[He's] young, handsome, and even has a good tan." Note the look at the President's face in this picture. He's not impressed. Flying home to Italy after the G20 meeting, Berlusconi again brought out the t-word when he told supporters about his presidential encounter: What's his name? Some tanned guy. Ah, Barack Obama... You won't believe it, but the two of them sunbathe together, because the wife is also tanned. Now, we can understand him going after Obama. Well, we can't, but in theory we can imagine a billionaire scoundrel who suppresses public opinion in his newspapers taking a cheap shot at a wildly popular politician. But taking on Michelle Obama, who's just cute as pie and only sometimes gets into the political fray? That's inexcusable. MORE >>
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