Definitive "Our Crazies Are Less Crazy Than Your Crazies" Proof
Public Policy Polling just keeps revealing how stupid, paranoid, and misled the American electorate is. Here are some results from their new national poll on conspiracy theories that aren't true. Democrats win! 25% of Democrats think Bush "intentionally allowed the 9/11 attacks to take place because he wanted the United States to go to war in the Middle East" (that is much more specific wording than previous polls so there is less "it's fair to say Bush knew" wiggle room) and 12% are not sure. But a full 42% of Republicans are positive the President was not born in the United States and 22% just cannot make up their minds about where the President, who was born in Hawaii, was born. And self-declared "independents," once you take away the genuine libertarians and socialists and Greens and fascists who make up .01% of the electorate, remain mostly white conservatives who voted for Clinton once. (We continue to assert that truthers—while stupid and wrong—are not as "bad" as birthers.) MORE >>
Confused Justine Bateman Attacks 'Human Waste' on Tumblr
The internet continues to baffle and comically anger Justine Bateman. The Family Ties star and manic blogger is calling people "shithead" and "human waste" for spamming her Twitter homepage, unaware she's seeing a new feature announced over a month ago. What's especially funny about Bateman's tantrum is that she's lashing out at what's supposed to be an elite A-list: People selected first by Twitter to be part of a limited testing group for a new "re-tweeting" format, and then selected again by people Bateman follows, in the form of re-posted tweets. When Twitter announced this feature in an August 13 blog post, it said re-tweets would now use the picture of the original tweeter, instead of the re-tweeter, but would be clearly labeled, and that one could turn the feature off. But the labeling wasn't clear enough for Bateman. After seeing repeated incoming posts from tech blogger John Gruber, since he had been re-tweeted by people she follows, Bateman called him a "shithead" and "human waste." (Gruber himself is famously an aficionado of this sort of name-calling, adding an additional wrinkle of humor to the situation.) Humorist and branding whiz Tim Siedell was dubbed a "jackass" by Bateman, who further warned, I'm set to flame this incident all over the Internet. I suggest for the sake of your reputation on-line, YOU GET YOUR TWITTER ACCOUNT TOGETHER and stop this attempt to shove your posts into other people's feeds. Awesome. Twitter Inc., which is still experimenting with this re-tweeting format, should keep in mind that Bateman isn't the sharpest test subject in the lab. She flipped out at rebloggers on Tumblr without taking the time to grok the blogging service's culture of quoting and of editing quotes. Later, Bateman, behind on her memes, lashed out at a fan who tried to praise her "white whine." Easily confused though Bateman may be, Twitter should probably take the time to create an "opt out" button simple and obvious enough for even her to use. Because God help you, Twitter Inc., if Mallory turns her e-guns on you. MORE >>
Melrose Place: Single White Female Troubles
Last week, Melrose Place was a hooker with a heart of gold. Last night, she turned into that crazy girl who hides in your closet and tries on your clothes. She makes a bad roommate, but great TV! Unfortunately Ashlee Simpson-Wentz hiding her horrible acting skills in Sydney's closet was the best moment of the episode, and that was 10 minutes in. It was a transformative evening for our dear Violet who got just a little bit closer to getting that N in her name that will turn her violent. First we saw her hiding in her momma Sydney's closet trying on her clothes. Yes, it was contrived, but it managed to achieve the desired level of creepiness. Too bad the dress she picked—the dress Syd wore the first time the the two crossed paths—wasn't even Sydney's. It was so heinous and outdated that we think that Alison left it in the closet when she moved to Atlanta, and Sydney just started wearing it because she was poor and just got out of prison and had nothing else to wear. So, ha, Violet, you're really wearing stupid Allison's dress. We hope you catch temporary blindness from her decade-old cooties. Doggie Auggie isn't that impressed by the dress either, nor Violet's rather expensive gift of $200 sunglasses. He says they're too expensive and can't take them, she says that he's dreamy and it's no big deal. What she didn't say was that they were knockoffs that she picked up on the street in Venice before going into work at Coal—the restaurant that has an open kitchen so all the diners can see random people wandering in and distracting the chefs while they cook and probably getting hair and nasty shit all up in their food. But Doggie Auggie wasn't as pissed off when his dog park girlfriend Riley showed up to ask for a simple recipe. He tells her to make some Filet Mignon bullshit, because a girl who can barely muster Mac 'N' Cheeze from a box can just do wonders to an expensive steak. Brilliant. At least he didn't tell her to make a scallop ceviche. That's what he would have done if he was a contestant on Top Chef. Actually, that would be a good place for D.A. At least it would get him out of that stupid red chef's jacked they force him to wear at Coal. So, Riley the Comic Insult to Our Intelligence Dog, had to make a fancy dinner for the dreamy Jonah because she pissed him off. No, it wasn't for not telling anyone they were engaged. No, it wasn't even for making sweet puppy love (really, just kisses) with Auggie. And it wasn't even for turning on the cold water in the sink while he was in the shower. Hold on, we need to spend a moment on the last point. This joke needs to be eliminated from the Uninventive Writer's Handbook as something that happens in the real world, along with people overhearing messages left on answering machines, characters using typewriters, and a man running alongside a train to try to catch the women while she waves her handkerchief out the window. This source of a million television jokes no longer happens with... MORE >>
Gross Photos of Real German Food
Here's an amazing blast from the past we can all get behind, and throw up. Last year we showed you a crazy German site comparing the advertised photos of food to the nasty reality. They're back, with a book deal! Ad Age brings news that the strong-stomached Teutons who operate Pundo3000.com—who have dedicated their lives to photographing nasty packaged food products—have released a book, which would make a great gift that will warn any prospective travelers away from consuming food in Germany. Which we have no choice but to conclude is even grosser than normal American food. Congratulations to you gross, gross people. [Pics via Pundo300] MORE >>
Bloomberg to NYC: "Stop Eating All My Salt"
Michael Bloomberg is an imperious, irritable oligarch who has purchased the mayoralty of New York City for life. And the New York Times has something to say about him: He puts salt on his pizza. Bloomberg famously wants to regulate what you eat and how you eat it—he banned the use of transfats in the city, forced restaurants to post nutritional information, and has nagged New Yorkers about all the salt they eat. So it's a worthy enterprise to point out, as the Times does, that he eats like shit and puts salt on everything and is a cosmic, nagging hypocrite: But Mr. Bloomberg, 67, likes his popcorn so salty that it burns others' lips. (At Gracie Mansion, the cooks deliver it to him with a salt shaker.) He sprinkles so much salt on his morning bagel "that it's like a pretzel," said the manager at Viand, a Greek diner near Mr. Bloomberg's Upper East Side town house. Not even pizza is spared a coat of sodium. When the mayor sat down to eat a slice at Denino's Pizzeria Tavern on Staten Island recently, this reporter spotted him applying six dashes of salt to it. Also, he doesn't really ride the subway as frequently as he seems to claim to! This is all well and good, and we really do enjoy reading about Bloomberg's unhealthy relationship to food. He's basically Cathy: "[T]he sight of an unflattering photo of himself can trigger weeks of intense dieting and crankiness, according to friends and aides." But maybe the Times should spend more time looking into why Bloomberg hired Brad Tusk, who spent four years as deputy governor of Illinois under Rod Blagojevich—four years during which Tusk's boss was the target of a federal corruption probe? Or maybe how he seems to still be running his business and using it to reward political allies? We know salt is an important issue, but sometimes people are interested in money and corruption, too. MORE >>
The Apocalypse? It's Now. And It's Australian.
A record-setting dust storm swept across Sydney yesterday and obscured basically everything, including the famed Opera House, which can sorta be seen here. One visitor described the scene as "like a nuclear winter morning." The beginning of a dystopian day? Scientists, it's worth noting, aren't pinning the blame on climate change, although an unusually dry summer did contribute. What a coincidence. MORE >>
Click here to safely unsubscribe now from "Gawker: Top Stories" or change your subscription or subscribe
| Your requested content delivery powered by FeedBlitz, LLC, 9 Thoreau Way, Sudbury, MA 01776, USA. +1.978.776.9498 |
No comments:
Post a Comment