No, Sir, Arnold Will Not Kiss Your "Fa**ot" Ass
Arnold Schwarzenegger must have some balls, because the Republican "governator" made an impromptu appearance at a San Francisco Democratic Club dinner. The crowd was certainly not feeling it, and heckled him with such phrases as "Kiss my faggot ass." This video — posted on video production company k9sound's website — shows the verbal carnage, which was punctuated by State Assemblyman Tom Ammiano's "faggot ass" remark, as well as him shouting "you lie" to Schwarzenegger, who has cock blocked gay marriage in the Golden State. Former San Francisco mayor Willie Brown, who introduced Schwarzenegger to the crowd, called the collective outburst "highly inappropriate" and specifically took on Ammiano, who he compares to Joe Wilson, the man who sparked the "you lie" craze: Ammiano conducted himself somewhat similar to Joe Wilson. It was inappropriate to invite anyone in and shout at them, I don't care who it is. It could be George Bush. You don't do that. The remarkably unflappable Schwarzenegger took all the gay drama in stride and later said, "Compared to the reaction I got in Hyannis Port when I told the Kennedys I was marrying Maria, it was fantastic." Oh, Arnold made a funny! MORE >>
The Johnston Watch: Tracking How Much Levi Will Unzip for Playgirl
We first told you Levi Johnston is going to pose for Playgirl, we just don't know how much he'll show. So we're unveiling our Levi's Johnston Watch to follow this important matter very closely. Today's reading: nothing more than undies. The AP has confirmed what we already know, that Johnston has agreed to pose for the magazine. They also told us a deal hasn't been signed. We talked to Levi's svengali Tank Jones himself who said they're still trying to work out some details like how much money they'll get, where the shoot will take place, and how much Levi will show. Originally, the shoot was going to be Levi without his Levis but in his underwear. Then it came out that Levi would show either the front or the back. The AP report explicitly uses the word "nude," so we don't think there will be any underwear. Jones told us that he's willing to "let the whole cat out of the bag." When asked what factors would determine whether or not Levi would go fully nude, Jones said that is a "game time decision" that Levi himself will have to make. "Once you let it out there, it's out, and you can't put it back," Jones said. Jones also said that Playgirl, which now operates only online, offered $25,000 but they weren't going to do it for that much. Jones said that he would like the shoot to be in New York. I tried to get an invitation to the shoot should it happen in NY and I think I got shot down. A source at Playgirl told us that the reason the deal hasn't been closed is that they're having a hard time ironing out the details with Rex Butler, Levi's attorney, who has stopped returning calls and emails. That is interesting, because Butler is the one who is quoted in the AP article saying the shoot is a "foregone conclusion." Speaking of the AP story, gay porn blog The Sword [NSFW, unless you work at a dildo manufacturer], says that the AP originally published the story with a quote from the personal trainer about Levi. "Once you know him, he's very confident...When it's time for him to bare all, he'll be ready," said Marvin Jones, a former Mr. Alaska contestant who is the brother of manager/bodyguard/mascot Tank Jones. A spokesperson from the AP confirmed that the story originally ran with the quote, but a later version it was taken out as a "routine editorial trim" and not from pressure on either side of the negotiation. We were going to take "bare all" to mean that we're going to see what God gave him and he gave to Bristol Palin, but now, with the tentative negotiations reading a fever pitch, we're backing down to our original assessment. Johnston may be ballsy for posing in Playgirl, but we don't think he's going to make the big pass when it comes time for a "game time decision." Unless, of course, Playgirl ponies up the big bucks. Of course, we'll keep you updated with any breaking news on this very important subject of national concern. MORE >>
Glee: Walking on Pseudoephedrine
The war of the sexes got hopped up on speed last night. It was like watching the Billie Jean King/Bobby Riggs tennis match on fast forward, but with musical breaks. Unlike that famous contest, no one here was a winner. Yes, it was boys versus girls last night as Will pitted the two halves of his Glee Club against one another. It was an XX/XY mashup, and the theme transferred over to the rest of the characters and the songs they had to sing. Will sparred with his wife Terri, Rachel and Finn continued their intricate dance of antagonism and desire, and Emma and Ken were fighting to either stay together or fall apart, depending on the moment of the day. But the gender divide was not the the only thing causing drama last night. Let's see what the songs have to tell us. "It's My Life": As usual, the kids were singing about unfettered ambition while stuck in a desperate situation. Things were so bad for Finn that he was passing out in rehearsal and couldn't even get past level two of Halo (or some other bloody video game—this isn't really my area of expertise). He can't handle the pressure of being in school, being the macho QB, the slightly-less macho male lead of the Glee club, a good boyfriend, and an expectant father at the same time! Sure, he gave up on doing homework, but other than that he couldn't prioritize. Good thing Nurse Wretched had a cure for him. Will was trying to get the Glee kids out of the gutter so that they could beat the kids from the Jane Adam's Half Way house at sectionals. Also high up on the to-do list was to stop fielding barbs from Sue Motherfucking Sylvester in the faculty lunchroom. But it was SMS who gave him the plan to instill some fear into his troupe, because, as she says, terror "is like mothers milk to them, without it they won't grow properly." With his boys vs. girls singing scrimmage he instills some terror and makes them grow, but in the entirely wrong direction. The whole thing was a bit like a lightning strike to an above ground swimming pool, but with fewer plastic floating animals. Speaking of Sue, we finally got to see her write her deepest darkest delusions in her diary, and the whole segment was total brilliance. We learned that she is insecure in her ability to take Nationals—even though she blames it on Quinn's minuscule quiver rather than her coaching abilities—and somehow that transfers into her need to destroy both Glee and Will. After all, without a big win, how is she going to afford that hovercraft? "Confessions": Now that Sue is all hopped up on the hatred for her rivals, she goes to Terri and confesses that Will and Emma are having an affair, even though they are both way too mild-mannered to actually go through with having a tumble in the well-waxed hallways of McKinley High School. Sue Motherfucking Sylvester once went to a television land seminar on plot devices, so she knows how to trip the school nurse down the stairs so that Terri can lie her way into the position. Now... MORE >>
Gourmet's Dead. Don't Blame The Internet.
The death of Gourmet has prompted plenty of maudlin remembrances. And plenty of suggestions as to why we should mourn it: the food, Ruth Reichl, the jobs, the beauty. One theory to ignore: the internet is ruining smart magazines! Christopher Kimball, the publisher of Cook's Illustrated, has a eulogy to Gourmet in the NYT that pronounces what you knew, in your very bones, was coming: the internet killed the Conde mags. You bastards. The shuttering of Gourmet reminds us that in a click-or-die advertising marketplace, one ruled by a million instant pundits, where an anonymous Twitter comment might be seen to pack more resonance and useful content than an article that reflects a lifetime of experience, experts are not created from the top down but from the bottom up. They can no longer be coronated; their voices have to be deemed essential to the lives of their customers. That leaves, I think, little room for the thoughtful, considered editorial with which Gourmet delighted its readers for almost seven decades. Well. Not quite. The internet loves experts. And it loves thoughtful, considered editorial. If it's presented correctly. Of course, Conde Nast had a famously dismal internet strategy, which couldn't have helped Gourmet a bit. Kimball's solution: To survive, those of us who believe that inexperience rarely leads to wisdom need to swim against the tide, better define our brands, prove our worth, ask to be paid for what we do, and refuse to climb aboard this ship of fools, the one where everyone has an equal voice. Perez Hilton notwithstanding, there's no reason why smart things can't thrive on the internet. The democratic aspect of the internet that's so terrifying to the old guard is not one that means that every opinion is equal; it just means that every opinion can be equally heard. The good stuff can still rise to the top. Conde Nast is not currently in a budget crisis because of an imaginary virtual "ship of fools" that smashed up the noble magazine industry like drunk savage hordes rampaging across an enlightened village. Conde Nast's problems stem from the fact that its entire business model was based on a sort of quasi-monopolistic sham sold to advertisers—a model that's now crumbling. (Kimball himself acknowledges how shitty and undemocratic the magazine business used to be in the first half of this piece). Gourmet may have been a great magazine, but it had the misfortune to be in the wrong place at the wrong time: Conde Nast, 2009. Don't blame Twittering idiots. Blame Conde Nast. MORE >>
Letterman's 'Bombshell Bussing Incident'
It seems like the actual Letterman scandal broke so long ago, yet the straitlaced scoops about the straitlaced funnyman's straitlaced affair continue, forever. Today: A motive, in the form of a kiss; the perp's solid rep; and advertisers don't care. 'Bombshell Bussing Incident': We quite like the use of the word "Bussing" as a synonym for "kissing," don't you? Make a note, language hounds. In this case, it seems that Dave Letterman drove Stephanie Birkitt home a couple months ago—to the home she shared with blackmailer Joe Halderman—and Halderman caught them smooching! Right there at the end of the driveway! Then, of course, Halderman flew into a jealous rage and decided to extort Letterman. Case closed, etc. But Halderman Seemed Like Such a Good Guy!: Joe Halderman was a hard living producer who like action but his colleagues never thought he would do something like this. Read the entire standard-issue disbelief reaction story in the Times. Know Who Does Not Care About This Scandal, Besides Smart People? Advertisers: Because of intricate complicated ad and entertainment industry things like Q Rating and reputation management and the fact that Letterman never really put himself forward as a holier-than-thou guy, his show's sponsors don't much care about this scandal. They do care about ratings. Which are good! MORE >>
Seth Green Mugging Footage: Revealed!?
Remember that footage of Seth Green ranting and raving about how he was mugged? We originally doubted its validity, but this surveillance footage makes us believers. It's so upsetting watching two men knock Green, who's just precious, to the ground, where he was probably covered with dirt and germs and general ickiness. Oh, and they took his bag, which we're sure irked him more than the aforementioned ickiness. MORE >>
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