Johnston Watch: The Deal Is Practically Signed
Last we heard, both Levi Johnston's people and Playgirl were still haggling on terms. Now everything is settled and the online magazine has sent off the contract and is waiting for signatures. Status updated! We're almost at full-on wang! Playgirl's spokesperson, Daniel Nardicio, told us that they online magazine had sent off a contract to Levi and his managers, Tank Johnson and Rex Butler, earlier this week and they're just waiting on Levi to put his name on the dotted line so they can start making final arrangements for the shoot, which will go down in November here in New York. There will also be some promotional appearances during Levi's trip to the big city. He said that there is no stipulation in the contract about how much skin Levi will or will not show and it will be decided at the shoot. Also, everyone is waiting for the ink to be dry before talking about how much money is involved. The original offer Playgirl made was $25,000 and last we talked to Tank (who didn't answer his phone and his mailbox is full) he was adamant about getting more than that. If the parties have agreed to terms, then Playgirl must have come up with more cash or done something to sweeten the pot. If that is the case, then they are not settling for some crumby underwear shoot. Because of that, we are updating the Status on the Levi Johnston Watch from "Boxers of Briefs?" to "Cheeks Peek." It's the least we're gonna get! After all those years in Alaska, just how pale do you think Levi's ass is. We know he's been working out, but maybe we should chip in and get him a gift certificate to the Favorite Sun Tanning Salon in Anchorage. [Illustration by Steven Dressler] MORE >>
Colorado Cops Say Balloon Boy Fiasco Wasn't a Hoax
The local sheriff in Ft. Collins, Colo., is defending the Heene family, saying at a press conference that he doesn't think Richard and Mayumi Heene were faking their emotions during yesterday's ordeal. Larimer County Sheriff James Alderden just gave a press conference discussing his department's ongoing investigation into the circumstances under which the Balloon Boy story took flight yesterday, and he clearly forecasted his conclusion that he didn't think it was a hoax. The family just didn't seem to be faking it, he said—their behavior and reactions to yesterday's events, including their horror at finding that Falcon wasn't in the balloon when it landed, just seemed genuine. And after Falcon was found safe and sound, they let sheriffs interview him—alone—without objection. It was a strange press conference. One question began, "you may be one of the few people on this planet that doesn't think this was a hoax at this point." Alderden said he believed that Falcon had previously tried to crawl into the balloon: "Our understanding is that the boy had been trying to climb in there and was yelled at by the parents. He thought that he was responsible for this balloon taking off when it wasn't intended to." Alderden also confirmed that Heene's first call after the balloon's release was to a local television station. "His first call was to 9 News, second call was to FAA, and they called 911 some time after that," he said. But he defended the decision, saying that Heene knew that a news helicopter was needed immediately. "I would say this is not a typical American family," he said. MORE >>
Project Runway: A Sequins of Events
Project Runway is all about vision and delusion. The vision to make an outfit for a pop star, the delusion she wants to look like Cleveland's worst drag queen. The vision to reward talent, the delusion that it matters. Yes, last night was another shocking episode of Project Runway. No, Lifetime didn't stop airing lady vitamin commericals and we didn't have both of the judges, but for the second week in a row, the elimination was a bit surprising. We will get there soon enough, but before that we have so much to discuss, like another "Here's some money go buy some shit and make a dress" challenge. But this one starred Cher's main bedazzler, Bob Mackie, and all the kids making a dress for Christina Aguillera. When they find out they're working for her, they jump up and down like a good bunch of trained monkeys or a group of gay boys in 2002. It's all very exciting. Things We Hated: This Space is Reserved for Bitching About Judges: Finally, finally we got back Nina Garcia Fashion Director of Marie Claire Magazine. But that means that Michael Kors was missing. Are these two feuding or something? Give us back our fucking judges. Actually, I was a little sad that Nina was back, because I actually wanted to see either Vice Principal Glassner or Second Assistant Headmistress Roberts last night, because I finally decided I was going to call them "Pinta" and "Santa Maria" becuase, they came after Nina and aren't as cool. Then Nina sails back from judging an indigenous peoples' beauty contest in 1492 and ruins my joke. Ugh. Heidi's Pants: If you ever want to know what a slutty biker chick from hell looks like, it was Heidi during her first appearance yesterday wearing a pair of red leather pants with black scrawl all over them. Not only was the crotch insane (as an absent Ms. Kors would say), but they were totally nasty. Heidi actually bought these at Britney Spear's yard sale. Heidi was all "These are great, why are you getting rid of them?" And Britney said, "I've never worn them. I think they're too trashy." There you have it. Immunity: Gordana should have gone home last night for that thing that looked like her model took a gigantic dump in her sequined diaper. Adult baby is never sexy, no matter what your husband's favorite website tells you. But no, she had immunity. Nicolas should have gone home last week for his pool of Ent vomit, but immunity saved him too. Now it's off the table for the rest of the season and we can send some jokers home. Old Hollywood Glamor: Stop trying to channel it. It is not going to happen. And no one wants to look old. This is fashion, it's about making something new. Stop trying, and get some originality. That means you, Shirina. Carol Hannah and Logan: Not only are we over our ex-boyfriend Logan, but we are over the show trying to make him out to be some sexy Lothario. Didn't we see the exact same "Carol Hannah thinks he's sexy" segment a few weeks back? We get it. He's hot, and straight, and all the ladies love him.... MORE >>
Commenters So Mad They Could Just Roofie Advice Columnist
Lucinda Rosenfeld, advice columnist for Slate's woman-focused DoubleX, has accomplished something we haven't, yet: She's pissed off her readers so much they started a petition demanding she be fired. Lucinda's crime: Rape. Oh no, wait. Just unpopular advice. On Monday, Lucinda's advice column featured a letter from a girl who said that someone slipped her a roofie at a club; she had to be taken to the hospital, and when she called two of her friends in the middle of the night to "beg them to join me while I was recovering," they didn't want to come until the morning. And she was upset about that. And Lucinda was like, well, who the fuck wants to go drive to the hospital at 4 a.m. for something that is not a life-threatening incident and, indeed, may have sounded at the time like something that was your own doing, crazy girl? Your family or your boyfriend would be obligated to come, but your friends probably thought you were just way drunk or took too many drugs or whatever and they were pissed at you a little bit. So, don't sweat it too much. Chalk it up to miscommunication. Which was our reaction too, exactly! Tough to judge the friends in this case without knowing what the drugged friend was actually doing and saying at the time. (Although we are neither women, nor the type of person who has "friends"). But the internet commenters were basically like: Lucinda, you are a horrible person, I have gotten up in the middle of the night 43 times to visit my roofied friends, plus this girl was probably sexually assaulted, did you even think of that, you awful, awful internet advice columnist? And Lucinda replied no, she didn't really think of that, since there's nothing in the letter about it, but really, come on, people. It's not that big a deal. But there's that "Remove Lucinda Rosenfeld" petition, still there, on the internet! Shit. You internet commenters are putting all this effort into firing an online advice columnist who's not Cary Tennis? You people need help. MORE >>
The Washington Post Has the Worst Opinion Section in America
On the occasion of this wonderful op-ed on how Barack Obama's Nobel Peace Prize is a violation of our nation's founding document, let us examine the recent crimes of the Washington Post opinion section. Under editor Fred Hiatt, the Post op-ed page has gone completely off the rails. They picked up Bill Kristol after the Times dumped him for being not just wrong but boring and lazy. They openly allow George Will to lie, to straight-up lie, without fact-checking or corrections, because we all know reality is open to different "interpretations" and if a prominent columnist writes something patently untrue the best response is to then publish a "true" column by someone else as a counterpoint, because that doesn't just represent everything misleading and terrible about the moden political press. They still publish Richard Cohen. The regular columnists are, for the most part, interchangeable ancient "moderate" liberals who haven't written or thought anything vaguely interesting since 1974. Anne Applebaum was allowed to publish a blog post in support of Roman Polanski without disclosing that her husband is Polish Foreign Minister Radoslaw Sikorski, who opposes extradition. Richard Cohen, again. And on October 10, the Post published an insane editorial on how the Nobel Prize should've been awarded to a murdered Iranian protester. This suggests that either the entire editorial board doesn't know that Nobel Peace Prizes are never awarded posthumously or they simply don't give a shit. The piece is still not corrected, because presumably any "correction" would have to read "the entire premise of this editorial is bullshit, sorry." So how do you follow that up? How about by running an op-ed by a law professor and a right-wing think tank goon about how Obama's Nobel Peace Prize was... unconstitutional, maybe? Who knows! Who cares! They acknowledge that two other sitting presidents have received the award, but they do not even do the meaningless-but-intellectually defensible thing of arguing that those awards were also unconstitutional, they just say this time it's different because Obama got it so therefore Congress should forbid him from accepting it, because of the House of Saud. In conclusion, blogs are killing newspapers by being irresponsible and not caring about "the truth." MORE >>
Todd English's Jilted Bride Turns Herself in on Assault Charges
Erica Wang, the woman that celebrity chef Todd English left at the altar and filed assault charges against, marched down to the 13th Precinct to face the music. And she even sent us a statement. The PR war rages on! We got this statement from Wang's lawyer Charles Clayman, who has an associate's degree in spin. "Immediately after learning a complaint had been filed, my client voluntarily arranged to appear this morning at the 13th Precinct in Manhattan. This is just the beginning, because NYPD policy requires this process whenever a complaint of this kind is filed. My client will continue to cooperate, has done nothing wrong and welcomes the opportunity for the District Attorney to reach that conclusion and clear her name." Ever since English left Wang at the altar two weeks ago, she has been trying to paint herself as the victim and parlay it into something bigger, like a book deal, TV show, or a line of disposable wedding dresses. She got herself booked onto both NBC's The Today Show and ABC's Good Morning America earlier this week but got bounced, we hear, after English's lawyers complained. English is trying to make her look like a crazy lady who beats him so that she won't threaten his master cookery empire, which given the shitty economy, has a seen a few restaurants close down, including his Olives outpost in D.C. We kind of wish we could just put these two in a locked room so they can duke it out and a clear winner can emerge. Instead, we get to watch as their flacks wage a protracted war. It's like Afghanistan, except the media is actually covering it. MORE >>
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