Gossip Girl: Sonic Youth in Revolt
Kim Gordon married Lily and Rufus and it was either the death of cool or the birth of awesome. Now that the heiress and the grunge rocker are joined, what does it mean for the show's power structure? Last night was an action packed and funny episode that not only marked a wedding, but a virtual birth, when Scott was welcomed into his new family. We all died a little when a desperate Georgina returned as a campy villainous rather than a deadly destroyer. I didn't think it was possible to love her anymore. There were also some break ups, some make ups, and some serious "Star Power." Dorota Fashion Points: We see her out of uniform: +1, She wore that horrible hat to the wedding: -4, But wears her hair down: +1, Cute babushka: +2 Personality Flaw: Makes famous pancakes: +3, Her years in Poland made her a master spy: +2 Power Play: Apparently used to work for Kim Gordon and Thurston Moore and can get them to do favors for her at the drop of a hat—a really ugly blue hat: +4 Total: 9 Season to Date: 37 Power Position: Up Chuck: Family Secrets: Gets the dirt on Carter from Brie: +2 Fashion Points: More purple: -1, The only one to wear a shirt and tie to the wedding: +3 Personality Flaw: Knows how to give a Chang Mai massage: +4 Power Play: Is wrong to back Brie against Carter: -2 Sexual Intrigue: Has to apologize for Blair's rudeness to Brie: -1, Fighting with Blair of Brie/Carter: -2 Social Schemes: Makes an ally of Brie: +1, Tries to send Carter away for the 7 millionth time: +3, Gives him an actual physical plane ticket like they still exists: -1, Spared the humiliation of his plan against Carter failing by telling Serena that Carter isn't such a bad guy after all: +2 Total: 8 Season to Date: 15 Power Position: Even Georgina: Family Secrets: Spills the beans about Scott with the bluntness of the scissors Jenny uses to cut her hair: +3 Fashion Points: Asymmetrically ruffled dress at the wedding: +1 Personality Flaw: Still eats the wedding cake: +3 Power Play: Shows up at the wedding uninvited: +1, Leaves town: -4 Sexual Intrigue: Has it so bad for Dan that she's sending him animated ecards: -3, Gets fooled by Dan, of all people, into thinking he likes her: -2, She wants to bone him so bad she can barely think straight: -1, Social Schemes: Uses the dirt about Scott against Vanessa: +2, Engineers the "Olivia is dating Orlando Bloom" scheme: +3, Is an awesome Cyrano de Bergerac: +1, Figures out Dan is lying to her in about 7 seconds: +2, Gets fooled by a fake prince: -3 Total: 2 Season to Date: 10 Power Position: Up Dan: Family Secrets: Gets the truth about Scott out of Vanessa: +2, Doesn't say anything until after the wedding: -1, Georgina breaks the story first: -1 Fashion Points: No tie at the wedding: -1 Money: Got Julia Allison to send him one of those Sony Vaios she's been hawking on the internet: +2 Personality Flaw: Catches Vanessa plotting against him and believes that she is in love with him. What ego! But since women keep landing at his... MORE >>
Tracy Morgan on Two Former SNL Colleagues: 'F—k 'Em"
What could possibly be better than the Tracy Mogan Twitter feed? Try: Tracy Morgan reading from his new autobiography, and veering belligerently off script. Sometimes the audiobook is better than the original work. This is one of those cases. It's one of the ironies of Morgan's career that he's found bigger stardom as the star of a parody of Saturday Night Live than he ever did on the real thing. And in his upcoming book, I Am the New Black, he mentions who treated him like shit, namely then stars Chris Kattan and Cheri Oteri. Morgan writes, "All I have to say about that is, where's Chris Kattan now? Where's Cheri Oteri now? That bitch can't even get arrested." But the grudge apparently runs even deeper, because when Morgan sat down to record the audio version (in the clip above) of that passage, he started ad-libbing, expanding on his earlier points: Morgan says he still counts Will Ferrell, Molly Shannon and Colin Quinn as friends, but as for Oteri and Kattan: "Fuck 'em." Amazing. It's not everyday you hear Tracy Morgan acting like a demanding, slightly unhinged television star who feels underappreciated by his co-workers. It's more like every week. We're told Mogan will be at the Union Square Barnes & Noble Thursday Oct. 22 at 7pm if you want to see if he'll curse more old colleagues. MORE >>
Bernie Madoff, Prison Brawler
Incarcerated real estate bellwether Bernie Madoff reportedly got into a fist-throwing prison brawl! Which could more accurately be characterized as "two elderly men poking each other angrily while discussing financial strategies." Assuming it actually happened. Gang war! This is a New York Post exclusive from a prison snitch source—and that combo last wowed the world with the story about how Madoff has cancer, which turned out to be false. So regulate your credulousness accordingly! Anyhow, the story goes that Madoff and another prisoner were arguing about the stock market, of all things, and the other dude shoved Bernie, and Bernie—to the surprise of all the hard rocks—shoved the dude back so hard that he fell down. Then the other dude took off like a punk! Madoff earned himself some "cred," according to the Post. It's practically a scene-by-scene reenactment of American Me up in there! And what horrific gang violence is coming now that Bernie set it off? The next day, Madoff and his attacker, described by inmates as a white male over 60 years old, made up and were spotted hanging out together. Outstanding. Until another paper gets its act together and starts bribing those prison snitches as well as the Post does, we'll have to take their word for it. Please God let the Black Guerilla Family recruit Bernie Madoff. [Pic: Getty] MORE >>
Goldman Donations to Spark Massive Cognitive Dissonance
Executives at Goldman-Sachs aren't known for their largess. But now, after the company and its powerful ties to DC have been dragged through the mud, officials may throw coin charity way. Sound good? Yes and no and maybe. The donations are still being hashed out, but it goes something like this: the company will likely award a record-breaking $22 billion in bonuses this year, an extraordinary number considering the bank's role in the disintegration of the financial industry. Of those billions, the company may donate 10-15% to charity, a move that would make Goldman the biggest single-shot corporate giver in history, and would guarantee the bank loads of good press. And that's just the point. An executive who's familiar with all the board room hand-wringing readily admits that Goldman considers this a "publicity stunt" and we're sure the American people will see it as such, which means then Goldman Sachs looks patronizing as well as greedy. Then the unwashed masses, still angry about the AIG bailout and golden parachutes and all of that, will have to decide whether they should be insulted by Goldman's self-serving donations or remember that the company is, in its own way, helping people. Don't worry about whether or not to be inappropriately outraged and confused, though, because the plan's not finalized. Shareholders don't seem to keen on throwing away money on frivolous things like charity. And then there's Goldman's cash-loving culture: Finally, there is concern over how to do this in a tax advantaged way. Goldman has a very low tax rate, thanks to its brilliant accountants. It is unlikely to be able to achieve much value by making a tax-deductible charitable donation, particularly if the donation goes to a charitable foundation Goldman controls. When asked if they realized that this sounded a bit silly, the former Goldman executive said that not giving away value was a point of pride for Goldman. Perhaps the most advisable plan under consideration would be having bonus-receiving executives donate the money themselves, which means they receive a tax-deduction and we get to see which of Goldman's money bags actually care about the little people. MORE >>
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