How Did The President, Famous People, New Media React To Cronkite's Death?
Roundups of Cronkite-death reactions are bound to include the President's personal memories, and Dan Abrams trashing personal memories. Also, Shaq's sword, Clooney's sad, Jeff Jarvis is so over this, Sarah Palin's rainbows, and Kelly Bundy has something to say. Because Important People Deaths carry more weight than ol' lowercase regular people deaths, they can either elicit well-considered, clear-minded objectivity, or they can inspire transparent glibness, insipid tributes, and reactionary nonsense. Writing about Cronkite's death online is meta (man...), because his death apparently signifies the end of old-media (or something). Did his professional decedents and famous people respond accordingly? Well... George Clooney wants to die. Clooney - who's old man was a newsman, and the inspiration to tell Edward Murrow's story in Good Night and Good Luck - doesn't want to exist in a world without Cronkite. Really. "He was the most important voice in our lives for thirty years," the Oscar winner, who delved into the history of the CBS newsroom when he directed and costarred in Good Night and Good Luck, said in a statement Friday night. "And that voice made people reach for the stars. I hate the world without Walter Cronkite. " Between this and his pet pig dying, it's been a shit year for him. You know who else is sad? Christina Applegate. Bet you weren't ready for this: ready for this: Elsewhere, Shaq took a picture of himself with a sword, Perez Hilton appears to have not totally fucked something up, and John Mayer hit himself in the balls. President Obama got right down to business: "For decades, Walter Cronkite was the most trusted voice in America. His rich baritone reached millions of living rooms every night, and in an industry of icons, Walter set the standard by which all others have been judged. He was there through wars and riots, marches and milestones, calmly telling us what we needed to know. And through it all, he never lost the integrity he gained growing up in the heartland. But Walter was always more than just an anchor. He was someone we could trust to guide us through the most important issues of the day; a voice of certainty in an uncertain world. He was family. He invited us to believe in him, and he never let us down. This country has lost an icon and a dear friend, and he will be truly missed." As far as media personae go, let's start with former MSNBC anchor Dan Abrams (of course), only because David Carr is somewhere in Bogota eating Arepas and has nothing to Tweet about Cronkite so far. Abrams, whose new media consulting business arm media website ranks media personae against each other when they're not trying to kick sand at other outlets or mourning the breakup of gay penguins. Well, for one thing, poor Cronkite wasn't even awesome enough to make the list of 214 TV/News anchors in the first place. Sad. Abrams' website more than made up for it, though, with six different posts on the matter, each one more Google-happy... MORE >>
Susan Boyle's Campaign to Win Next Year's Razzie
Eking out a 16th minute, housefrump-turned-household-name Susan Boyle sits with Today to voice soundbits with all the enthusiasm of a funeral director. Once more, with feeling, Suze! And Cowell, send her to Lee Strasberg, stat! After perky Meredith Vieira struggles to give the debatable superstar a compliment, stumbling over words to question if she's had a "slight little makeover?", Suze, perhaps insulted, forces a smile. "Just a slight one," she responds with usual British irony. Because, really, in comparison to the old maid who formerly only warbled to her kitty cats, you know the New Improved Miss Boyle's a-feeling like Heidi Klum these days. When asked if she's having a good time, Suze grimaces, and forces out "I'm having a wonderful time" and "I don't want it to end" as if ramming a nail in her hand. We know all this is "new" to the humble country virgin, and she's supposedly "overwhelmed," but we can't help thinking that puppet master Simon Legree Cowell is there in the background whipping this poor lass out into the spotlight, else he must eat crow. Next up, a spread in Harper's Bazaar! The strong arm of the press machine keeps on churning... Full interview airs on NBC July 22. MORE >>
Meghan McCain Won't Share Ticket With "Dumbass" Joe The Plumber
Setting an example for children of royalty, everywhere, Megan McCain wants people to know that the help should stick to being the help after explaining what depths Joe The Plumber should intellectually excavate next. Hint: It's near his plumber's crack. McCain's making publicity rounds again, in some kind of incredible quadruple-floop-reverse-psychology media strategy that falls somewhere between the minds of Willy Wonka and Crispin, Porter +Bogusky. It involves her going to liberal media outlets and talking smack on the Republican Party, appearing to piss off Daddy, and burying the lede (that she's, like, so the future of the Republican Party). This time, she totes kicked it with her Geigh Friends at Out, and had this to say about the McCain/Palin campaign's breathing version of the Sickle and Hammer, political casualty Joe The Plumber: "Joe the Plumber — you can quote me — is a dumbass. He should stick to plumbing," Know your place, silly prole mascot! You excavated shit for a living before you ruined her shot at awesomeness and that's all you're ever going to do now that she can't Roll With Her Homies in DC. Meanwhile, she also told Out that, besides advocating the legalization of gay marriage, she'd "be flattered to be considered the anti-Ann Coulter, the anti-Rush Limbaugh," and managed to completely avoid discussing Sarah Palin. Nice. She also supposedly got Rush Limbaugh to tell her to go Arlen Specter and just peace out on the Republicans, which Dad's definitely going to love. Meanwhile, she continues to add editorial luster to The Daily Beast by coming down on Young Republicans election of a racist to their leadership post, is advising young people to fuck cowboys (and not horses), and is not preggers/did not see Tupac get shot, and is currently getting trashed on DayQuil as I write this. There's quite simply nothing to be said or done that could adequately express how utterly confounding, impressive, and awe-inspiring Meghan McCain's media strategy is. She's the Lady Gaga of political nobodies; it's like Dash Snow died, and she stepped in. Every publicist in the world should be taking notes, as this is how you defy expectations: subversively call everyone on their bluff and wait for them to keep thinking you're full of shit before the joke becomes an Andy Kaufman-esque reality. Or just extend teenage belligerence into some kind of professional career. Either way, genius. Meghan McCain Will Be Heard [Out] MORE >>
Tom Cruise Defies The Gravity Of Katie Holmes And Their Destiny Child
Where Tom Cruise and Beyonce meet in the middle. Where Jennifer Anniston terrifies West Villagers with her half-speed biological clock. Where Jon Gosselin's girlfriend terrifies virginal high school boys. Where Andy's Dick's Little One speaks. Your Saturday Late-Edition Gossip Roundup: Tom Cruise busted a move to Beyonce's "All The Single Ladies" when he saw her at her Staples Center concert in L.A. Poor Katie Holmes. This is the exact, precise, scientifically measured middle-ground between a touchdown dance and waving the rights to someone's soul in their face. Still, it's not nearly as bad as when he dresses the kids up and does "Defy Gravity" with them as the flying monkeys and him as Elpheba and makes her play the role of Steven Schwartz and scream at him from the audience, but still: pretty mean, you know? It's the wizard who should be afraid. Of me. [NY Daily News] Speaking of gay tragedies, two stagehands died in a stage collapse at a Madonna concert, and French police are launching an investigation into it. She paid tribute to them in concert: ""You may have heard of it... When they were building my show in Marseille, where we're going next - we don't know why, but one of the cranes fell... Two men lost their lives, it was a great tragedy to me." [Daily Express] And speaking of just straight-up tragedy, Hollywood producers are still total assmunches-yes, assmunches. There's no better word to describe the one behind Mischa Barton's newest film, as he's pissed that she went insane and had to be placed in the crazy house and is taking his frustration to the press. Honestly, dude, talk about loose marbles, you were the one who thought she was still bankable, first of all. Second of all, you're a dick. [NY Daily News] Jennifer Anniston's new movie that she's filming with Gerard Butler is pissing off New Yorkers left and right. First, she annoyed Daily News staffers by getting in the way of them pissing. Now, she's getting in the way of West Village residents by getting in the way of their dogs pissing. The production manager on the movie is apparently a total meanie, and she won't return the calls of the sad West Village residents who don't like noise and things on their nice block because they paid a few milli to live there, you know? On that note, I hope someone pours Birdbath coffee in their ears or something silly because if I lived in the West Village I would basically be deaf to everything but the schadenfreude of broke muh's like me, which I would record and consequently play back at half-speed and remix it with, I don't know, Thievery Corporation or something and play it at my parties where I serve fried chicken canapes in my garden and bitch about how Design Within Reach is out of reach of poor people but too in-reach of me, which makes it basically the silliest design store ever, and who buys chairs in America anyway, really? Also, Jennifer Aniston is still painfully single and I still think "Daughters" is the best song ev-ar.... MORE >>
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