Chris Matthews Almost Killed G. Gordon Liddy On Live Television Tonight
Chris Matthews had former Nixon henchman/radio talk show host/Birther G. Gordon Liddy on Hardball tonight to talk about the dumb Obama birth certificate controversy and Liddy looked as though he might die on the air while Matthews surgically debunked him. Over the last few days and weeks, as the Birther movement has slowly crept up into the national conversation, many people have wondered, "Just what exactly would satisfy these people?" Well, here's the answer that many have suspected, compliments of G. Gordon Liddy—nothing! Matthews serves Liddy a virtual buffet of evidence here that would seemingly cause any reasonable human being in possession of the capacity for abstract thought to concede this ridiculous argument, but it's beyond obvious that even if Matthews had produced a video of Barack Obama getting leied by a Hawaiian nurse shortly after exiting his mother's womb in 1961, G. Gordon Liddy was going to walk off of the Hardball set tonight holding fast to his imbecilic position, muttering indecipherable horseshit about "Kenya" and "illegal aliens" on his way out the door. MORE >>
Real World Cancun: Wristcutters, A Hate Story
Everyone was terrible this week on The Real World. Everyone said and did awful things, spurred on by the white studio lights of their "house" and the ever-prodding cameras. This was a total head-in-hands episode of the ol' RW. There's a war afoot between Ayiiia and some of the boys. See, Ayiiia gets really drunk and says mean things and does dumb things. She doesn't really have any filter or off switch, she just sort of barrels along without a thought of the consequences. She's sort of a child that way, or a curious cat. She picks at scabs and thrusts her paws at electrical sockets and then cries and howls and when she gets hurt. She makes herself a victim! And she loves it. Joey is just a purposeless antagonizer. He's got that dumb schoolyard thing that certain misanthropic boys have where he'll do some mean thing that he thinks is funny, over and over and over again, even though everyone else has long ago lost interest. He thinks people crying is funny. He thinks pasting signs all over a hotel suite in Mexico saying "Go Home, Ayiiia. Nobody likes you." is an intelligent, witty, grownup sort of thing to do. So you can see how these two wouldn't get along. She attacks quickly, then runs away, and he relentlessly bounders after her, barking and barking and barking. Most of the roommates hate this about him. Except CJ. CJ is a big dumb turnip of a man, with a stupid shock of puffy hair and an ugly, meaty physique. He's also secretly a total trashbucket, slipping and saying "ain'ts" here and there, little breadcrumbs leading back to some dilapidated apartment building. Some squeaky black fake leather couch. Some blank, dirty white walls. Some sad soiled king sized mattress lying forlornly on the floor, without box spring or frame. Just there. Sitting on browning teal wall-to-wall, the thrum of a leaky air conditioner singing the scene a dirge. So CJ profoundly sucks, we know this. It was proven further still when he just tittered and chuckled and called the not funny (not because they were mean, but because they just weren't funny) things that Joey was saying "awesome" or "classic," his rusting Isuzu Rodeo flashing quickly through his head. Now, CJ did have a reason to be mad at first. Ayiiia came home all sloppy and drunk one night while CJ was trying to coax his way into some chippy named Amanda Hugginkiss' pants. (Ughhahsdfa;ldsfkjasdf... so gross. He's so gross.) The sad, embarrassing thing was that he was completely naked, flopping on top of her, while she was fully clothed. She didn't seem all that into it, and was very excited and relieved when she heard the clicking and stumbling of people trundling down the hall. "Put your clothes back on..." she hissed joyfully. CJ didn't want to. "They ain't comin' in here." But CJ! They is! They is comin' in there! Well, Emileee be, at least. She ran into the darkened room and shrieked because CJ was naked and grinding up on some girl and that is gross. But then Ayiiia started yelling things. See, the... MORE >>
The Complete McKinsey Survival Guide
We asked, and you answered. After the jump, everything you need to know about how to survive a McKinsey & Co. visit to your company, without getting canned. This one's for you, Conde Nasties. What Will Happen? We got some fascinating insight into the McKinsey corporate bulldozer process, from people who have experienced it firsthand. First, look for your chance to put your thumb on the consulting scale: "The McKinsey team and the management team will usually form a joint working group. That working group will often have several lower level people from the client working on it to gather facts, run analyses, and so forth. Get on that team. At least you'll see what's coming, and at best you might influence it." But don't expect to feel too important: "The big firms don't bother interviewing individual employees (a la the Bobs in Office Space) - they'll gut entire departments that they deem strategically insignificant or issue edicts like 'cut out 50% of management at this level.' The actual firing is all done by the client firm's management (McK would never get their hands dirty that way)." Another vet confirms: "McKinsey doesn't give a shit, they are not interested in you. They want to get rid of entire divisions, not individuals." What Can You Do? Be Nice to the Consultants—It does not pay to be an asshole, unfortunately. One tipster advises you to "cooperate with the consultants (they always report back to senior management)." Another survivor says, " If interviewed by a McKenzie, answer everything question nicely. If you hold back, or are snotty, they fire your ass. Threee of my former collegues tried the stonewall approach and got canned." Suck Up—Kiss ass, Kiss ass, Kiss ass. "Suck up to your own superiors, and their superiors, and theirs." It's just that simple. A brown nose could give you a minute edge on your fellow layoff-eligibles. Practice Subtle Backstabbing—You don't want to be seen as a desperate bastard ready to sell out any and all of your colleagues to save your own job (even though you are). You just want to plant the seed. Take it from someone who's been there: " Don't talk shit about individuals, talk shit about DIVISIONS in a passive-aggressive way. Saying things like: 'Those fellows that work in [blank] division are really nice guys, but I've worked here for five years and I still don't know what they do' is a winner." Corporate espionage at its finest, ladies and gentlemen. Watch Office Space—Several of you sent this tip. Har har. This will only have value if you can bribe a McKinseyite with, like, a hijacked truck full of Office Space DVDs. Slut It Up—"If all else fails: Find out who the senior partner at McKinsey is, and fuck them." This is experience speaking, people. Despair—You may find it strangely comforting to accept the fact that—even if you employ all of these countermeasures—you may still get fucked by McKinsey, and not just by the partner you fucked on purpose. "As... MORE >>
No, Henry Louis Gates Is Not a 'Railer,' a 'Brawler,' or a 'Common Street Walker'
Since Barack Obama weighed in on the arrest of Henry Louis Gates, we thought it was worthwhile to do a close reading of the law and the arrest report to see just how stupid the Cambridge Police Department was. This account is based on the police report, a statement from Gates' lawyer, interviews by Gates given after the arrest, and a radio interview that the arresting officer gave this morning. The Call At around 12:45 p.m., Lucia Whalen called 911 to report two African American men wearing backpacks attempting to break into a house on Ware St. in Cambridge. Whalen works at Harvard Magazine, the offices of which are located a few doors down from Gates' home. She told Sgt. Crowley when he arrived that "her suspicions were aroused when she observed one of the men wedging his shoulder into the door as if he was trying to force entry." The man wedging his shoulder into the door was Gates' driver, and the other African American man with him was Gates. The men had just returned from Logan Airport, where Gates had landed after a trip to China. He found the lock broken on his front door—apparently as a result of an attempted break-in while he was away—and his driver was helping him get the door open so he could get his luggage in. Up to this point, both Gates and Obama say the whole thing is kosher: "I'm glad that this lady called 911," Gates has said. In recounting the story last night, Obama said, "There was a report called into the police station that there might be a burglary taking place — so far, so good, right?" The Confrontation Sgt. James Crowley arrived at Gates' house shortly after the call. He was alone. He walked up onto the porch, saw Gates standing in the foyer through a glass pane in the door, and asked him to step out onto the porch. According to the accounts of both men, Gates refused. Is that illegal? Massachusetts law makes it a crime to disobey the order of a police officer if you're operating a motor vehicle, but we couldn't find a similar statute that would have required Gates to obey Crowley's request. Even if there is one, Gates was never charged with violating it. According to both men, Crowley—still standing on the porch—told him Gates was there to investigate a break-in. According to Crowley, Gates interrupted him, saying, "Why, because I am a black man in America?" At this point, according to Crowley, Gates didn't strike him as "someone who would break into a house." Still, he found "the way [Gates] responded to [his] routing inquiries peculiar" and accused him in the police report of "yelling" and "exclaiming." Crowley's ID According to Crowley, Gates "demanded to know who I was." Gates phrased the request differently: He says he asked for Crowley's "name and badge number." The distinction is important: Crowley claims that he complied with Gates' request by identifying himself as "Sgt. Crowley," while Gates says "he did not produce any identification nor did he respond to Professor Gates's... MORE >>
Pervy Flesh-Peddler Bill O'Reilly Plays Erin Andrews Peephole Video On-Air
Yesterday we noticed that Fox News was hyping a Bill O'Reilly "investigation" into the naked Erin Andrews peephole video incident, prompting us to wonder, "Will the ole smut-merchant show the video on the air?" Well, of course he would, duh! Now, O'Reilly, and Fox News in general, have a long history with this sort of thing. He'll bloviate righteously about softcore porn on YouTube or underage strippers or how the Make-A-Wish foundation turned down money from a bikini car wash fundraiser or whatever, and all the while he'll have salacious clips running over the audio of he and his guests mouthing off about the gross injustice of whatever it is they're talking about. So you just knew that O'Reilly would take this whole thing straight into the gutter, and he did not disappoint. While O'Reilly is setting the segment up by giving background on the story to his viewers, footage of the "criminal" video is played. He then turns to his guests, the standard set of painfully Aryan Fox News babes, to begin their discussion, but before he does he says speaks righteously about the video clip he just played on his show: We're not gonna show you anymore of that ladies and gentlemen...I gotta show you what they think is criminal intent here, but, you know, I'm not gonna show anymore video of it because this is ultra-disturbing and I think it's a very serious crime. Classic. Just classic Bill O'Reilly slimeballage, wrapped up neatly under the guise of "investigative reporting." Now, ESPN is taking a hard line against any news organization that shows footage of the video or even publishes still images taken from it. Today they lashed out at the New York Post, effectively issuing a "you're dead to me" order to the paper and banning the Post and it's reporters from all aspects of the ESPN empire after they ran still photos from the video in Tuesday's edition of the paper. It'll be interesting to see if they do the same thing with Fox and/or other Rupert Murdoch media properties after this. MORE >>
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