Henry Louis Gates Thankfully Distracts Right Wing from Health Care
By lashing the Cambridge police for arresting Henry Louis Gates at home, the president seems to have upset basically everyone today, even supporters on the left. But at least Republican rage isn't aimed at health care! Just look at Rush Limbaugh spinning his wheels on a dismissed, ridiculous police case; in the Fox News clip above, Limbaugh calls Obama is unpatriotic. Limbaugh, who publicly prays for the failure of the president of the United States, should know what that feels like. Anyway, he says Obama hates America because, "let's face it, President Obama is black." Beautiful. The Cambridge police union fed the Obama backlash by saying Obama rushed to judgment in saying cops acted "stupidly," and added that the president should apologize for linking the case to racial profiling. Then Al Sharpton somehow emerged as the voice of reason, by pointing out that actually the president didn't judge the arrest, the city of Cambridge did, by dropping the charge. Plus Obama carefully brought up racial profiling "separate and apart from this incident." In the meantime, Rahm Emannuel was free to quietly break Congressmen's fingers in backroom "discussions" over health care, while getting voters tuned to networks other than Fox to start calling their representatives over an issue that has nothing to do with Henry Louis Gates. Maybe Obama didn't plan to give Democrats a head-start in the final PR battle over health care, but it's sure working out that way. UPDATE: Obama has said he could have "calibrated" his words about Gates differently, and it's "unfortunate" his words contributed to a media frenzy, and this is a "teachable moment" about race. That near-apology should put this whole controversy to rest. Ha ha, just kidding, let's all talk endlessly about his presidency is off the rails, permanently, and his black rage will never allow him to effectively make the transition from foreign-born Islamic radical to president. And don't worry about health care at all! It's being handled! MORE >>
You'll Never Guess Orphan's Surprise Ending, Because It's Completely Ridiculous
OMG, you guys. So that movie Orphan comes out today—it's that Vera Farmiga creepy kid flick where she screams and screams as she realizes she already made this movie before—and we know the surprise ending! And it's hilarious. The credit goes to Vulture for rooting around in the Ain't It Cool comments (horror) and finding someone who'd seen the film and given away the RIDICULOUS surprise twist ending. Are you ready for it? Here you go: Esther is really a 33-year-old woman who was born with proportional dwarfism which causes her to have the appearance of a child. She also happens to be a former prostitute, who had wealthy pedophiles for clients. The reason why she has her neck covered is because she was once in asylum and she struggled so much in her straitjacket that it left with her deep scars on her neck. Yes, you read that right. The answer to the question of Orphan is: Secret Dwarf. Secret Dwarf Hooker is a movie that just got made. Now I kind of want to see it. Hopefully there's a scene at the end after Vera and Peter Sarsgaard figure it out and little orphan Esther lights up a smoke and talks about the 80s and then drives off in an old Datsun. Hopefully. MORE >>
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