Christopher Hitchens' Gay Prep School Sex a Window into Horny Teenage Bicuriosity [Sex Writing]
Vanity Fair columnist and public intellectual Christopher Hitchens is a twice-married straight man. In his boyhood, however, he had torrid affairs and circle jerked with male classmates. A leaked excerpt from Hitchens' forthcoming memoir documents necessary bisexuality in horny teens. MORE >>
Peaches' Pornographer Suspended Himself from Meathooks Last Night [Big Ben]
We have ascertained the location of 'Big Ben' Mills, who posted nude photos of an allegedly smack-addled Peaches Geldof. He is with his band, recovering from a performance where he inserted meathooks through his skin and dangled from the ceiling. MORE >>
Christian Militia Members Reportedly Arrested by the FBI [Breaking]
It appears that members of the right-wing Hutaree Militia were arrested in raids in Michigan last night. Fox News reports that the seven in custody were selling pipe bombs. The FBI refused to comment. MORE >>
Scoring Sunday's Nuptials: You Can Ring My Bell [Altarcations]
People get married. The New York Times' Weddings & Celebrations section curates their joy. And then our resident expert Phylis Nefler scores them based on a secret list of criteria we keep in a vault. It's Altarcations! MORE >>
Battlefield Earth Screenwriter Apologizes for 'Suckiest Movie Ever' [Mea Culpa]
Visiting the Hollywood Scientology Celebrity Center, J.D. Shapiro just wanted to meet girls. Instead, he wound up writing Battlefield Earth. After winning the "Worst Picture of the Decade" Razzie, Shapiro is apologizing. He blames it all on his penis. MORE >>
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